Bilbo's Misadventures: Hobbits Taste Like Chocolate
by VashandNaomiForever
Summary: Thorin Oakenshield has an addiction, an you'll be surprised to hear that it's not over gold. It's chocolate. He receives an intervention and things start to get funky. Another Misadventure, it's been a while so take it easy on me! :)


**Hobbit's Taste Like Chocolate **

The dwarfs were having an intervention for their troubled king under the mountain. It wasn't gold obsession, like you'd expect from the leading dwarf. It was of a chocolate addiction that he had to overcome. His weight had been one concern, having gained a good extra fifty pounds, his once in shape body was now plumper. The other issue with his addiction was the constant mood swings. When he didn't snack on the sweet tasting chocolate he so treasured, his mind would become quick to anger. Punching dwarfs outright for no good reason, destroying furniture and anything else in his grasp due to a lack of chocolate intake.

Right at that instant he was confined to a chair, surrounded by his fellow dwarfs and his hobbit friend that cared about him dearly.

"Thorin, you have a serious problem, and we all want to help you get through this." Bilbo began, the other dwarfs nodding in agreement.

"We've talked it over, and we think it's best you stay confined to your room until this addiction leaves you."

"What addiction? I am perfectly healthy! You're all being a bunch of over sensitive women." Thorin argued, not impressed with the current situation.

"You beat Ori almost to death because he ate the last piece of chocolate pie." Bilbo reminded the disinterested king.

"I'm the king, aren't I? I should get the last piece of _any_ baked good. Ori knew what he was doing when he ate that final piece, he sentenced himself."

"Thorin! Listen to you! You're not making any sense with this kind of talk." Bilbo shook his head in dismay. "I'm sorry, but until you're in control of yourself, we have no other option but to keep you quarantined in your room till this madness leaves you." Bilbo gestured for Fili and Kili to start towards the shock faced king.

"I am your king, you can not order me around!" He growled, glaring aggressively at his nephews and everyone else around him.

"Come along, uncle. It's just until you're well again." Kili cooed, trying to make Thorin calmer.

Thorin became irate with rage and started lashing out physically, causing his men to restrain him roughly and haul his maddened body away and to his room. Locked inside his room, to wait out his addiction.

The first evening was the hardest. His now overweight body sweaty and clammy feeling, his hands laying waste to any items within his private chamber. Smashing chairs against the locked door, ripping apart his bedding. Anything to help vent his anger and frustration towards the position his dwarfs and Bilbo had put him in.

Sleep never came for the riled king, his eyes beady and bloodshot as an unknown dwarf hurriedly opened the door to deposit a tray of food, then shut it promptly after. The clicking sound of the lock stinging Thorin like a poisoned arrow to the chest.

They were all against him! Even his nephews were in on this mutinous behavior, an action he'd never imagined from their good natured hearts. Everything was out of his hands, and he loathed it!

The tray of food stayed untouched, no further actions occurred throughout the day until evening came. A group of dwarfs, along with the hobbit came inside his room to "check up" on him. Thorin glared daggers at them, saying not a word as they tried asking him how he was feeling. He sat upon his bed with an air of disdain as they tried attempting small talk. Thorin was suppressing the urge to throttle all of them, knowing that it was very likely that he could not take them all on without any weapons, until Bilbo reached out a hand to pat him on the shoulder.

Thorin snapped, he had innocent little Bilbo on the ground in seconds and was slapping his face aggressively, leaving red marks before getting pulled off by the strong arms of multiple dwarfs. Quickly some dwarfs hauled out Bilbos shocked form while a separate group held down the thrashing king. Letting him go after a few moments and leaving him alone once more.

With no sleep the previous night, and his belly empty, the tired dwarf king eventually sorcomed to slumber. His mind began weaving a dream, the scene disturbing and making little sense to that of an awake person.

He was roaming the halls of his home, and everyone he came across, for some very odd reason, was made out of chocolate. Thorin kept walking about normally, passing by chocolate versions of Dwalin and Ori, along with other friends. When he came upon his bedroom, the king opened his doors to find a chocolate hobbit sitting on his bed.

Bilbo patted the mattress and gestured for Thorin to join him.

"Master Baggins, what are you doing in my chambers?" The dwarf king demanded.

"You're hungry, aren't you?" Bilbo smiled charmingly at the uncertain Thorin. "Come on, have a bite then." Bilbo encouraged the other, his arm reached out and presented itself to Thorins face.

The dwarf breathed in the welcoming scent chocolate had about it, his mouth watering as his lips smacked together wetly.

"Take a bite, Thorin." He urged the king.

Thorins lips parted and his tongue tentatively reached out and stroked master Baggins chocolate arm. Licking from his forearm down to his hand. The taste mellowing Thorin as he licked Bilbo up and down perversely.

"Go on, Thorin. Take a bite." Bilbo suggested again to the dwarf.

Thorin slinked his tongue down to Bilbos hand once more, his mouth wrapping around the hobbits pinky and abruptly biting down. His teeth crunched against the chocolate finger, swallowing the pinky with a contented smile.

Knocking awoke the dreaming Thorin, his mouth was nibbling on his pillow for some unknown reason. Quickly he spat out the piece of pillow he'd been tasting, his eyes moved towards the slowly opening door.

"Bilbo?" Thorin looked upon his intruder with surprise. After what had occurred previously, the king assumed his hobbit would never bother Thorin again. Here he was, though. Alone and vulnerable as he entered the room with a determined look on his face.

"You're not going to scare me away, Thorin. I'm you're friend and nothing is going to change that. I know you only hit me because of your withdrawal pains. You'd never harm me with a sound mind." Bilbo spoke his peace to the listening dwarf.

Was the hobbit _that_ stupid, to come inside this room unarmed and alone? Thorin took his time, watching the little man walk around the room as he rambled on about friendship and trust. Such utter nonsense!

"I realize you can't have sweets, so I thought I'd bring you something sweet tasting that's good for you too. Here, it's a plum I just bought at the marketplace." Bilbo took out the purple colored fruit from his pocket and attempted to hand the object to Thorin.

"A plum?" Thorin repeated, eyeing the fruit as if it were poison. "I hate plums." He spat out his opinion, Bilbos face falling a bit with sadness in his eyes.

"Just give it a try." He tried being more insistent, not one to give up so easily.

The hobbit moved himself closer to the ornery dwarf, shoving the ripe fruit underneath Thorins nose. The action provoked the dwarf, his fist swinging and landing hard against Bilbos head, knocking out the hobbit.

Thorin hurriedly patted down the unconscious hobbit, mumbling "chocolate, he's got to have chocolate on him". No matter where he searched, the dwarf king found no hidden sweet upon the hobbits person. Realizing that he was not going to find the thing he most desired, Thorin began beating on the body of Bilbo, taking out all his frustration on his friend.

-0-0-

Thorin awoke with a start, his forehead sweaty and his heart racing wildly. He looked around his bedroom, noticing it was still evening. Carefully he got out of bed, slipped on a nearby robe and exited his chambers. Thorin walked quietly along his halls, his mind set on taking a peek at the hobbit he'd been dreaming of. What a nightmare he'd been having! A chocolate addiction, really? Such crazy nonsense and yet he had been truly frightened when he awoke. He knew only one way to make himself feel at ease once more, and that was visiting the hobbit and making sure he was truly well.

He arrived at Bilbos bedroom door, and sneakily opened the chamber, entering it quietly as he slinked over to the snoring hobbits bed. He gazed down at the sleeping Bilbo with relief. No bruises or marks were upon his face, he appeared perfectly healthy. With a little sigh, Thorin made his way out of Bilbos room to go back to his own.

Unbeknownst to the dwarf king, his nephews had been goofing around that evening and had been busy messing up the kitchen in search of something sweet to eat. Finding no already made sweets, the nephews got their own hands dirty and started whipping up a concoction. They were by no means culinary experts, so that explained why the brothers simply added whatever sounded good at the time.

Fili started with the basic ingredients, eggs, milk, sugar, and flour. Then the oddball things started popping in the mixing bowl. Kili didn't take the time to examine items before just tossing them in the bowl, grabbing bottles with sweet smells coming from them. Not realizing that it was marinade for sweetening meats, that he used.

"Kili, lets make it chocolate! Hand me the cocoa!" Fili called to his brother, pleased when the other started pouring in a generous amount of chocolate powder.

Right as Fili was mixing in the new ingredient, the two brothers heard a sound outside the kitchen. Both dwarfs peeked their heads out to see where the sound had come from. To their surprise, it was uncle Thorin! He was in a night robe, walking around the halls. It was pretty late for uncle to be awake, was he up to something interesting? Curiosity got the best of the nephews, and they started following Thorin discreetly.

The young dwarfs followed Thorin all the way to Bilbos room, Fili had kept his bowl with him while following, not wanting to let go of their special mixture. Kili smirked at the form of his uncle sneaking into the chamber like a misbehaving youth. Try as he may, Thorin could not hide how he felt about master Baggins from the knowing eyes of his nephews.

Ducked behind a corner in the hallway, the nephews joked quietly with one another about their uncle giving Bilbo a 'special' visit. All their attention towards the room Thorin had entered was gone for a moment while they talked. In that moment, the dwarf king decided to exit the room and head back to his own bed chambers. He happened upon the ducked down nephews so suddenly, that they jumped. Fili unintentionally spilling his mixing bowl contents all over the taken off guard Thorin.

"By Durin!" He growled at them, feeling the sticky substance clinging to his beard and chest. "What is this?!" He demanded of the rambling nephews.

"It's chocolate, Uncle." Fili explained simply, watching Thorins anger turn into fright.

"Not another nightmare!" He shrieked and started running away from his confused kin, his legs carrying him away in a blur.

"What's he going on about?" Kili asked of his equally uncertain brother.

"Maybe uncle just really hates chocolate." Fili shrugged.

-0-0-

The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.


End file.
